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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

You have control of the mother-in-law?

His mother-in-law always call or come to your home unexpectedly? If you criticize the way of eating, dressing, cooking or cleaning? You complain to her husband that are rude, selfish child, a lack of respect for the law? Have you ever tried to manipulate with guilt every time you do not need in your life? They feel entitled to control the decisions of their parents because it is "Grandma"? It does not apply because it is "family?" You put your husband is able to choose between being a great man and an obedient child?

If you are in control of the mother-in-law, you may be tempted to gossip, the silent resentment, or cut all communications, but this probably will not help you and your marriage.

Here are five ways out of the plight of victims and do everything possible to improve your situation:

Before ready to handle the practical problems by reading relevant books and articles. Easy to see a couple therapist and / or join a support team to surround positive to encourage people to commit their feelings and help you maintain a healthy self-esteem. The knowledge that can be more difficult in the laws, the more equipped you are to avoid becoming an obstacle in their marriage. Replacing uncertainty with confidence, you will notice that your views, your mother-in-law is better than yours, and do not require approval.

According to the change of view. You and your mother-adults are the same, do not behave as if a minor child. Until then, you can click on the button is the degree to which the power over you. Learning of the buttons, and reflect new answers.

Third categorical contact. Being a daughter does not mean that child must be humble, obedient, without needs, feelings and opinions. It is usually not necessary to have a major confrontation to communicate their needs, but it is important to talk to a dynamic, when the opportunity presents itself. Learn some basic phrases like "you are entitled to your opinion, but is not in question" or "Sorry, sorry, but I stayed with my decision."

4 Place reasonable limits. In many cases it is better to make standing respect for themselves and not expect your man to rescue you. You can not control their behavior, mother-in-law, but you can put limits on how it affects behavior. The purpose of a limit - or cap - is to protect themselves and / or your marriage. It's a way to show someone how to be or not receiving treatment. The limits are an important component of healthy relationships. Remember you can only draw the boundaries effectively on issues that concern you. For example, you can control the frequency to talk to your in-laws over the phone, but you can check if your husband speaks to them.

5 How to enforce its borders. To enforce the limits, change the behavior so that their needs are met, although his mother-in-law to change behavior. For example, if you keep calling after 10:00, then quietly asked him to stop, you can ask your limit, do not answer calls on it. Getting up in an unobtrusive manner, and learn to be angry with you. Just because you feel bad or angry does not mean he did something wrong. Ultimately, his behavior will change, perhaps because it has changed.

You've probably heard the expression, "It's not what you say is how he says it. "This is an important rule to remember when you interact with her in-laws. Communicate your needs and sense of boundaries is not in itself a sign of disrespect, but you have to do with respect. Treat mom to her husband how you you want your spouse to enjoy. If you treat them with respect to the mother, her husband loses respect for you and your marriage will suffer. You can show your husband what you want to be safe from the mother. 

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